You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
