drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
