You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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