I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
