Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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