She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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