So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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