just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
