So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
