my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
