a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
