I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
