Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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