remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
