first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize