well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
this hospital has no fireball
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
