shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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