this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
