You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You're like the curious george of whores
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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