Plan B is the new Plan A
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
