And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
