Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
