mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She bit a glass in half.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
