I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
