When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
