Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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