I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
