Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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