Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
