Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
