we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize