I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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