trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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