hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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