Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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