my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
