Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize