The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
