Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
