I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize