I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
