Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize