you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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