Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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