break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
even my farts smell like vagina
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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