i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I looked at my own cervix.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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