I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
