Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
