so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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