Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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