I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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