god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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