I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
