I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
