Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
