He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
