someone threw a dead crab at me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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