weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
