my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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