shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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