remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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