Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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