Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
