Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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