Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
