She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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