Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
