So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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