I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We left the knife in your bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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