so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i need some magic done to my vagina
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
