if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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