so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
