i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
