I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
