how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
