The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
