I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's always time for handjobs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
