isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
