Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize