Your face is a jimmy john
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
