real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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