I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
