There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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