help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
