i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
