It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
