i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My bed smells like the plague
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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