everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
