I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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