now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
