Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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