you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
