I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
