the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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