He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
