Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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