I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
