I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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