Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
