and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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