Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
