I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
