you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
