so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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