So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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