His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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