We won't sleep together?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
