It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
