Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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