I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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