Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize