he wants to bone in the snuggie
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
